DISCLAIMER: PG-13 language (more than usual at least…)
The healing began yesterday. It continued today as I sat across from that blue eyed man yes, they’re blue, I even reminded him…that man changed my life in one short month. I sat there with assurance and affirmation that this is the best decision we could have made for each other and for ourselves. Though sad and frustrating for us both it’s just where we need be…at the center of where God wants us. This brokenness of mine is on it’s way to being made whole again by a Love so greater, so much more desired, so much more real. And that’s where the healing continues.
The best place to be after that good breakfast with the “life-changer” (that’s my new name for the boy-fun..keep up), was at home…my church home. So I sat in my red chair, and just…breathed. I breathed in gratification and fulfillment for knowing that I have grown through this journey that I feel is on it’s way to an end…finally. I breathed in peace, and I breathed in the joy of anticipation to see what God has in store for me. I know it is still coming and it’s greater than I could ever have imagined. My life is His prayer.
So I breathed some more. And as I did, I breathed in……
Peter stood behind my red chair and startled me. I jumped up and screamed. Like, really jumped. And like, really, really screamed, “Peter!!!” insert giant smile and squeal. Just then I saw Kelly. insert another squeal and bigger smile here. And then there was Chris. and then Marshall. and then Annie. And then Sean. And then Cari. And then Abigail. And then David. And then Frank. And then, and then, and then…
…And then I breathed in what I remembered was the last most happiest place I knew.
Remember a few days ago when I said I needed to change my goal on the mirror to be just one thing, smile. Oh let me tell you, I smiled. And then I laughed too. And the healing continued. I sat there with my mother friends, my church moms, unloading my heart and frustrations, my desires… and now, my next steps…
“start with the shit.” she said.
“get your shit together.” she agreed.
“shit. I don’t know how.” I said.
“oh shit. That is a problem…..”
and then voice of our angel, “You’ve got to get your shit together…” (now re-read that singing ‘Stuck in a Moment’ by U2…if you need help, or want some lively tunes to accompany the rest of this reading click here.)
Let me tell you, my ‘shit’ in that copy room, it hit the fan. And it’s now on it’s way flying far, far away. and I’m smiling again.
I need to be with kids. I need to go back to impacting their lives. I need to get my shit together, and get out of this moment that I’ve been stuck in. ”It’s just a moment, this time will pass.” Gosh Bono is genius. It’s time.
I laughed today. And it felt good. It felt genuine. And it felt like me. So here I go. I’m going to keep living not knowing what’s about to happen next. And hell, if I even tried to know what was going to happen next, I’d be full of shit…. come and get me Lord. I’m ready.